Balance

It’s interesting, life and how it at times can be the most overwhelming force one has to deal with.

I often brag of how transparent I am, or at least I try to be. The reality is I often find I am an open book, but only in certain chapters.

Is there a greater sense of balance if your end goal is transparency and you truly are transparent? Opening the book, sharing every chapter?

My goal for 2019 is to do just this, share more of what I have tried to hold in. Honestly the thought of this makes me nauseous but I am diving in.

I need greater balance, I need to find and accept a level of evenness in my life. At almost 52 it’s becoming to hard now to hold it all together. My balancing skills I guess you could say are off kilter.

So what does this mean? Do I become more vocal about my depression? Do I become more open about events in my adolescence? I don’t have an answer I honestly don’t, but I am going to try.

What I do know is that I long for a sense of serenity, a feeling of contentment, knowing everything is in its place. Will that help…with my balance? Not sure.

2019 is going to be an interesting year I can feel it. A year for growth and discovery, a year for change and development. I look forward to it, with a sense of nervous anticipation.

Believe me I get it…

We often don’t speak of the word depression until it is brought to the forefront by celebrities.

Celebrities who themselves find no other recourse but to end their journey here in an attempt to ease there pains.

We each have at times very rocky terrain in which are lives travel over, some of us are stronger than others, some of us aren’t.

I get it, believe me I get it. These troubled times effect each of us very differently, we don’t have each other’s strength, we don’t want to hear, just let it go, get over it.

Our troubles at times are so very heavy that even the simplest smile is too heavy to muster up. Eye contact hurts because we don’t want you to see our watered troubles.

It’s not a matter of wealth, even though we often hear why would they kill them selves they were rich, they had everything, they get to travel the world!

Did they really have everything? Peace of mind, self love, self acceptance, self value and understanding. There are things even the wealthiest can not purchase.

What we would like to hear is I understand, I got you, we will get through this together. A gentle hug, we just want to weather this storm of life at times like everyone else is able to so freely.

The burden of depression is so very heavy at times, so please if we appear distant, aren’t smiling as usual, seem distant it’s not you.

But please just be there, just be there.

We are more alike than unalike.

Good morning……….